Oh Christmas Tree
by Twitcher
Summary: It's that festive time and for Axel and Roxas this means some rather unconventional traditions... And one heck of a big tree. AkuRoku. No likeie no readie


_Hey! An early Merry Christmas to you all! _

_**Disclaimer of Doom: **__I don't own any of the characters. Just a very large Christmas tree and we are talking about a __**big**_ _tree. That's where the inspiration hit me in the face. Again. I really need some self control dammit. _

It was a clear, crisp morning. The snow crunched underfoot and everyone was cheerful.

Except Roxas.

"Axel. Why the hell did we get up at the shit crack of dawn to get a fucking Christmas tree?" Roxas moaned from the back seat of Axel's car.

It was exactly nine o'clock on Saturday the 22nd of December. Roxas's redheaded boyfriend always got his tree on the 22nd. No excuses. Ever since they had gotten out of Twilight Town High, graduated from Radiant Garden University and moved into their own apartment in Traverse Town, Axel had always gone on the same day, at the same time and to the same place. It was his tradition.

He didn't follow any other Christmas tradition at all. It was only the decorating and presents.

Everything else was as untraditional as he could have possibly made it.

Roxas didn't mind the indoor barbeque or the all night Christmas Eve horror movie marathon but it was getting up early to get a tree that he detested with all his being.

"We got up at the shit crack of dawn to get to the place where we get our fucking Christmas tree before we have to go and meet Sora and Riku in town," Axel replied cheerfully from the drivers seat.

Roxas sighed and stared out of the window as the countryside flew by. Axel was probably breaking the speed limit again. However if he got caught he could charm his way out of any tickets with ease.

He sometimes did too good of a convincing plea and once Roxas had been most surprised to receive a card from the police station congratulating the couple on their new baby.

Axel had apparently told the police officer that his significant other was having a baby and had been rushing to get to the hospital.

Sora still teased Roxas about it.

Sora still had the scar from when Roxas retaliated.

But he still carried on.

"Riku's been doing well," Axel said conversationally. "Got promoted last week."

"That's nice," Roxas said uninterestedly.

Axel rolled his eyes. "Roxy, cheer up baby or Santa won't come," he said teasingly, and then instinctively covered his crotch. Roxas was known to kick there when angry.

Roxas just flopped sideways onto the seat to go to sleep.

Axel smiled gently and continued to break the speed limit.

When they pulled up outside the place Axel grinned and hopped out of the car. Roxas groggily followed, yawning and rubbing his eyes.

Axel had, as usual, brought them to his friend Marluxia's place. Marluxia was great with plants and had a massive three-acre garden to care for. Marluxia (or Marly) also grew pine trees so he could make a little extra money by selling them for Christmas. Axel always insisted on paying for one but Marly only charged him half price.

"Hey Marly!" Axel yelled as the pink haired man emerged from his house.

"Axel! Roxas! Good to see you," Marluxia cried happily. "Larxene, come say hello."

Larxene was Marluxia's wife. This surprised many as Marluxia wasn't exactly the most masculine man around but Larxene wasn't particularly girly either so things balanced out. However Larxene tended to refer to Marly as her wife and Marly called Larxene his husband. It was possibly one of the weirdest relationships Roxas had ever come across.

"Hey there Red, Pipsqueak," Larxene called cheekily from the door.

"Nice to see you too Larxene," Roxas said politely.

Axel grinned and saluted Larxene before turning to Marly, an eager expression across his face.

Marly laughed. "Yes Axel. We'll go now, and he began walking down the path towards the pine plantation.

Axel made a happy squeakish noise and followed Marly, beckoning to Roxas excitedly.

"Honestly Pipsqueak, why the hell do you put up with him?" Larxene asked exasperatedly.

"Because he's a good fuck," Roxas said grimly and plodded through the snow after his boyfriend. "And it's possible I harbor some form of affection for him," he added mainly to himself.

Larxene let out a bark of laughter and then disappeared back into the house.

"Hurry up Roxy!" Axel called impatiently.

"I'm coming! Geez…"

"Little ray of sunshine aren't you today Roxas?" Marly said jokingly.

"He's cranky. He was up late then got up early. Silly boy," Axel said with a sigh.

Roxas glared. "Your fault on both accounts!"

There was an awkward silence.

Marly shook his head. "I'm not going to ask. So, what are we looking for this year Axel?"

Axel tilted his head to the left as he always did when thinking. "A big one. A _really_ big one."

Marly grinned. "I think I know just the one."

They wandered off out of sight, leaving Roxas to roll his eyes and sigh.

"It's perfect!"

Roxas had been leaning against a tree, cat napping. He heard the roar of the chainsaw as Marly felled it for Axel."

"See Ax, it's a chainsaw on a stick. I don't have to lie on the ground to fell it with this."

"Oh, awesome! I want one!"

"What for?"

"To keep in the closet for no real reason except to say I have one."

"Fair enough."

Roxas had just cracked an eye open to inform Axel that there was no way in Hell, Heaven or Earth that Axel was getting a chainsaw on a stick when he saw the size of the tree.

"Axel! Are you out of your fucking mind!?"

"Yes."

Roxas just blinked at him.

"It'll fit Roxy. We have pretty high ceilings," Axel said as he and Marly dragged the tree up the frosty path.

"I was thinking about the doors," Roxas pointed out and followed along beside them.

Axel looked at him for a moment. "We got the sofa through there right?"

"Uh, I guess," said Roxas thoughtfully.

"Well then if we got that through we'll get this through."

Roxas nodded slowly. "What about the car?"

"This can go in the back and I'll tie you to the roof rack."

"AXEL!"

Axel hid behind Marly and the tree. "I was joking! We'll tie the tree to the roof."

Roxas made a disgruntled noise and said no more. He couldn't deal with this for much longer. He really needed some coffee.

When they finally made it back to the car Marly and Axel began hauling it onto the roof and securing it.

While Roxas stood back and watched Larxene emerged from the house and dragged him to the warm kitchen where a mug of coffee was waiting.

"Larxene, you are a fucking angel," Roxas said happily and took a gulp of the strong black coffee.

"I know," Larxene said with fake arrogance. "Looking forward to Christmas Rox?"

"The barbequed turkey and Silent Hill movies?"

"Yes. And the presents."

Roxas leaned back in his chair. "I guess. Christmas is pretty interesting in our household."

"I have one hell of a present for Marly. And it didn't cost me anything… Yet…" Larxene said mysteriously.

"What is it?"

"Not telling."

"Bitch."

"Just you wait."

Axel and Marly clattered in at that moment. Axel rolled his green eyes impressively when he saw Roxas.

"Roxas could find coffee in the bloody Sahara Desert."

"You could piss off the Dalai Lama."

"Touché."

Later as they sped along the road back into town, with the tree tied precariously onto the roof rack Roxas contemplated what to get Axel for Christmas. He was probably the most difficult person to shop for because of his… His… Axelness. Last year he had gotten Axel a skateboard. This had been both humorous and a very bad idea.

"Hey, Axel, what time are we meeting Sora and Riku?"

"Ten minutes ago. Why?"

"Axel! You idiot!" Roxas yelped and grabbed his cellphone and called up Sora.

"Heyo, it's Sora! Who's this? Please be someone interesting," Sora chirped into his phone.

"Hi Sora, it's Roxas."

"Are you in a bad mood?"

"Yes."

Sora promptly hung up on him.

Roxas stared at his phone in disbelief then called Riku.

"Hello Roxas."

"Hi Riku, we'll be there soon. My prize winning idiot failed to set off from Marly's on time."

"Heh, don't kill him Rox. You'll never get the stains out of the carpet."

"It's stained enough as it is. Last tenants didn't clean the fucking place," Roxas said moodily and snapped his phone shut.

"It's not entirely the last tenants Roxy. You forgot Tuesday night. Which is pretty insulting to me because I was _on_ that night," Axel said grinning.

Roxas glowered. "After we've seen Sora and Riku we're gonna go pick up some carpet cleaner."

XxxXxxX

"Ah… Too fucking tight," panted Axel

"Nngh, ahh, crap that hurts," Roxas moaned.

The emptiness of the stairwell echoed every groan and gasping breath.

Who knew getting a Christmas tree into an apartment could sound so erotic?

After half and hour there had been no progress. The tree was not going to fit into the apartment. End of story.

Roxas winced as Axel yanked the tree out of the door, freeing his arm from where it had gotten jammed between the tree and the doorframe.

They both sank to the ground, backs against the wall and caught their breath.

"Argh, if only the double door on the balcony were on this side," Roxas sighed.

Axel's eyes lit up slightly. Roxas probably should have noticed.

"Roxas, you are a genius."

Roxas screwed up his nose. "Eh?"

"The balcony doors!"

"Oh no Axel. Oh God no."

Axel sprang to his feet and sprinted into the apartment. "Shove the tree back downstairs Roxy and I'll get the rope," he called.

Roxas picked up that fucking tree with much effort and dropped it over the railing.

Unfortunately it survived the three-floor drop.

And unfortunately it didn't land on anyone.

That was rather sad.

Roxas then descended the stairs as gracefully as a combat booted, PMSing Larxene and sat on the bottom step and kicked the tree a few times.

Anger issues? Him? Naaaaah.

After a while of staring at the tree he got bored and sat on it instead.

That's where Axel found him fifteen minutes later. Perched on top of the massive tree, looking about as welcoming as… Something _extremely _unwelcoming.

"I got the rope, some bed sheets, glue and a lollipop!"

"And what is the lollipop in aid of?"

"To sweeten you up."

Roxas thrust his hand out. "Gimme."

XxxXxxX

"Okay Axel, everything's good down here," Roxas yelled up to Axel who was up on their third floor balcony.

The strange contraption they had rigged up had attracted some interested onlookers. It consisted of the sheet with ropes attached to each corner of it. The ropes then met and were tied onto another single rope which ran up the side of the building up to Axel and their washing line which was one of those ones that spin around when the wind blows. The tree was supported by the sheet and the whole thing looked pretty stable.

"All righty then. I have the rope looped. Let's do this!" Axel said excitedly and spun the clothesline.

What Axel was expecting was for the tree to slowly inch up the building until he could pull it onto the balcony and through the double doors into the house.

What he wasn't expecting was for Roxas to be grinning at him, balanced on the tree like it was a witch's broom.

"Roxas. You did not just ride a tree up the side of a building did you?"

"You're the one who gave me sugar."

Axel laughed. Roxas was going to have a spaz when the realized just what he'd done.

And when he did Axel wanted popcorn.

XxxXxxX

"I can't believe you let me do that," Roxas muttered for the fiftieth time.

"I can't believe you did that," Axel laughed and threw some tinsel over Roxas's head.

Roxas shook the offending sparkly stuff off of him and flopped down onto the floor amidst all manner of glittery decorations.

"Axel, why do we have a sparkly bottle opener for a decoration?"

"In case we end up standing by the tree with no other way of opening a bottle."

"I hate you."

"I love me too."

Roxas shook his head and smiled affectionately. "Come on. Let's decorate the fucking thing. It's taken us long enough to get it in here."

XxxXxxX

"Wow Axel… It's gorgeous," Roxas said breathlessly.

It was true. In the half-light given by dusk the decorated tree looked absolutely breathtaking all lit up with it's sparkly trinkets dripping from its branches.

"Yeah. Best tree ever," Axel commented, lying on the floor underneath the bottommost branches.

"Ew, Axel, get off the floor. We still need to clean the carpet," Roxas said, screwing his face up in disgust and grabbing the bag containing the cleaner.

Axel just turned to him with such a peaceful and happy expression in his eyes that Roxas just stopped in his tracks. The way the lights reflected in those eyes was so damn irresistible that he found himself crossing the room and settling down beside Axel under the tree.

Then he felt Axel's thumb slipping into the waistband of his jeans.

"You can't open anything until Christmas Axel," he said scolding his redhead.

"Aw, but I've already opened it before."

"Fine. Just this once," Roxas said with a smirk.

The carpet would have to wait; they'd only have to clean it again anyway.

And that is as close to some real fanservice as you will get from me at the current time. I'm too novice.

_Sorry Seka… _

_Merry Christmas to you all!_


End file.
